A child’s ability to speak and communicate is commonly perceived, correctly or incorrectly, as a visible measure of his overall ability. From what age ‘he called me Mama!’, how long his first sentence is, how she talks to guests at New Year – these are taken as indicators of how developed and ‘clever’ a child is.
Most children have some ability to pick up speech by themselves as they hear people around them talking. Some tips here about how speech and language develop will enable you to improve your child’s communication skills.
Find out what some parents find most challenging about teaching their child speech and language. Suggestions and tips given here for overcoming some of these challenges will assist you in helping your child speak well, nip any potential problems in the bud, and recognize any need for professional assistance.
What you can do to help your young child speak well
First, some basics.
You would want to ensure that the overall environment for your child stimulates and encourages speech and language. You want to provide opportunities for hearing speech, songs, stories etc. Make it clear to any other caregivers that they should play with the child, talk to them, and encourage speech, in addition to just babysitting or taking care of them.
Overall health conditions are important. Keep regular paediatric appointments to ensure health checks, developmental milestone follow-ups and regular screening such as hearing screening.
A healthy diet helps your child to be attentive for learning, and the physical movements involved in eating and chewing a variety of food textures actually contribute to children having better awareness and control of mouth muscles and thus better articulation and speech.
Ample sleep can also mean the difference between having a child who is cheerful, attentive and eager to learn rather than one who is irritable or fidgety.
The most important four letter word in teaching your child speech and language is T-A-L-K. The most important four-word sentence in teaching your child speech and language is TALK TO YOUR CHILD.
Ready for more?
The next important rule of thumb to remember is to Talk To Your Child According To Who Your Child Is.
Talk to your child in words, or simple combinations of words (‘Drink milk.’ ‘No light.’) or long complex sentences including words such as ‘because’, ‘even though’ etc according to your child’s level.
Talk to your child about what matters to him. As you are reading him a story, he may be less interested in answering your questions about the story than talking to you about something that it reminded him of on television.
Teach your child according to his learning style. Some children enjoy repeating something over and over. Others would be bored and lose attention unless they are learning something new.
What are some common challenges parents face when teaching their children speech and language?
Here are three of the most common challenges perceived by parents in a straw poll of about 30 parents with children ranging from preschool to secondary school age.
The most common concern, indicated by about 50% of parents, was that “I don’t know how to teach”.(Please see below for an elaboration and suggestions for parents.)
The next common challenge shared by more than 1 in 3 parents was that children would not pay attention when parents are trying to teach them.
Slightly more that 1 in 5 parents felt that lack of time was a significant challenge in teaching their child speech and language.
“Help! I don’t know how to teach my child.”
It may be of some comfort to parents that this is such a common challenge, faced by one in every two parents (Including parents who may be teachers themselves!). Indeed, what many parents who we work with find most useful is not just what we teach their children, but what they learn about teaching their child from professionals with specialized training, qualifications and experience.
They may get recommendations about useful books that are proven ‘page-turners’ for children, educational toys that are fun and hold a child’s attention (and what to do with them). They may receive important confirmation that they are on the right track.
Anyone who has ever driven in a foreign country recognizes how important it is to feel that you are on the right track, not just that you are not in the wrong direction.
Parents may also get more accurate diagnosis of a child’s difficulty. Imagine the level of frustration a parent endured trying to teach her child language for mathematics through repeated drills until she was shown that her child was not ‘hearing’ or processing the difference between ‘she has 5’ and ‘she has 5 more’.
Despite the prevalence of this challenge in teaching your child, do remember: please don’t let the teaching get in the way of your parenting. After all, your child will have you as a parent for life.
Some parents do get very involved in teaching their child, and may need to remember to maintain a sense of perspective. I jokingly tell many parents, “Show me a parent that thinks her child is not good enough, and I will show you a parent who can spot strengths in other parents’ children.”
It may be useful to observe how you teach or talk to some other children, and try to maintain the same sense of what I might call ‘positive objectivity’ with your child.
Some other parents may be too wary of not knowing how to teach or what to teach and end up not interacting with their child.
Occasionally when parents become too concerned about ‘teaching’, they end up asking a lot of questions thinking that this encourages speech. You may want to consider taking a more relaxed approach and think about just ‘talking’ and having a conversation.
Think about being interesting, and offering your thoughts (“I would rather be the knight than the king”), as well as being interested, and genuinely asking questions that uncover the unique gem in your child rather than ‘testing’. These are much surer ways of drawing responses from your child.
“Help! I can’t get my child’s attention”.
Some quick tips:
1. Parents find that certain times and places are more conducive to getting your child’s undivided attention. Commuting time in a car (yes, with your child strapped in as a captive audience) and also just before bedtime are moments when a child may be especially receptive. Such receptive periods can dramatically transform the parent-child interaction. For example, when Jon’s mother tries to read to him, he often runs away. However, when she talks to him and comments on what they see and hear in the car, he happily listens and responds.
2. Generally, the more participation, the less likely your child will lose attention. Asking your child to provide sound effects for a story, playing ‘hands on’ word games or relating a story to a younger sibling are some examples of engaging your child’s attention.
“I have no time.”
Some quick tips:
1. Just talk to your child whenever possible when you are together. It does not have to be a ‘sit down lesson’ time. There are things we do everyday regardless of how busy we are. Are you there with your child at bath time? Do you wait for the school bus together?
Do you push a trolley together at the weekly family grocery shopping time? Have a simple conversation, or do the talking like a commentary
– think of a tour guide being interesting and enthusiastic. It allows your child to ‘soak in’ words and language without pressure.
2. Watch for opportunities to have fun with what you say. Did your child see a flamingo at the Bird Park? “It’s called a flamingo. Not mango. Not fla-mango.” “Daddy opened the car hood. It’s not like Little Red Riding Hood.” Kids love having a good laugh at such word play and you’ll be teaching them to pay attention to sounds they hear and words we use!
Myth
As mentioned above, most children pick up speech from their environment quite spontaneously, without deliberate attempts to ‘teach’ them.
It is a misconception though, that this means that any child who does not speak at an expected age is just ‘slow’, implying that it is just a matter of waiting for speech to come. Not everything comes to those who wait.
Parents may benefit from professional advice to tell them whether the child is gradually developing age-expected speech and language skills and is on track to the next level of speech development, or whether the child needs some professional help to ‘kick start’ the process or treat a specific speech or language difficulty through speech and language therapy.
It is sometimes difficult for parents to grasp the concept that their child may have a specific speech and language learning difficulty. If parents are told their child has ‘asthma’, it is a word they recognize. If they are informed that their child has a problem hearing because of there is an ear infection, there is an identifiable physical cause.
However, it is much more difficult for parents to understand how there can be a speech processing difficulty or language learning difficulty if the child is otherwise healthy, is not deaf, and looks ‘normal’. One parent who came to understand that her boy had a real problem jokingly referred to it as him ‘running on Pentium I’.
What is important is the realization that the child is not being lazy or difficult and has a real difficulty that requires specific diagnosis and therapy, rather than just having lots of drills or classes heaped upon him.
If you remember only one thing…
Helping children to learn is essentially about this: Challenge the child in the actual environment they need to perform, then support in succeeding.
You won’t ever really learn to cycle with the little trainer wheels on, no matter how long you stay on the bike. You need to ride the bicycle the way it is to be ridden.
On the other hand, you need to support your child to succeed as learning becomes increasingly complex.
You don’t expect to hear a golf player say “My wife and I learnt golf at the same time, but now I play and she doesn’t because she is the one who is good at it.”
No, we are more likely to persevere with the necessary effort and practice only when we achieve some success along the way.
By showing your child how to say what he means, and providing the necessary correction or praise, we support them to be successful in learning.
“Let’s have a heart to heart talk.” “I’m just thinking aloud here.” “Speak your mind.”
These and many other figures of speech are about more than just words and sentences.
They are testimony to the importance of communication to almost every aspect of social interaction in life.
While you may not see yourself using the above sentences with your young child, inculcating the mindset of communication being enjoyable and rewarding at an impressionable young age would be one of the most valuable gifts you could give your child.
Our Contributor
The author, Ms Magan Chen brings with her more than 21 years of speech and language therapy experience in both private hospital and enrichment centre settings. This gives us exceptional understanding of our clients’ medical and/or school needs.
She has helped more than 1500 individuals to overcome their communication or learning difficulties.
Ms. Magan Chen trained in London, U.K. (M.Sc. Human Communication) and Sydney, Australia (B. App. Sc. in Speech Pathology).
Magan is a registered Certified Practising Speech Language Pathologist (CPSP) with the Speech Pathology Australia.
She is also the founding President and a registered member of Speech-Language and Hearing Association Singapore (SHAS, the professional body representing Speech Language Therapists in Singapore.
Magan has been interviewed and featured in various newspapers and magazines such as Young Parents Magazine, The Straits Times & The New Paper.
Together with Magan, our team of competent and caring speech language therapists and teachers help hundreds of individuals improve their ability to communicate and have more say in life.
If you would like to see a highly experienced speech language therapist / pathologist for an initial consultation, please call us at (65) 6223-7876.
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